Love letter to my Love

To my Love

         You know I have been bruised, burned and abused. I have been told I am worthless and weak, and have felt hands on my face that were far less than gentle. I am reminding you of this for two reasons: one, as an advance apology if am unintentionally clumsy with your love.

I have been shot with bullets of hate and contempt while being told “this is love” so if I flinch when you reach to graze the hair out of my face- it’s not you, it’s the gunshot residue.

     I have been lied to and cheated on. Yet I believed was loved and it was all making each relationship stronger.

Two: I know you've been hurt, too I hope not in any way or amount that I have been, but a simple and inevitable fact of life and love is-shit happens, people hurt and get hurt. But when you share with me stories of the women who thought they could rent my title for a short while, I will hold my bitter, jealous tongue, and instead thank them I will be grateful for the ways you’ve learned not to love and be loved. In the same way, I hope you can appreciate the men in MY PAST for allowing me to appreciate you to the fullest. I tell you about my past and the past men so you know what made me this way. Everything they were not, and everything I deserve. But about all I hope we both can do with our past,

The best thing anyone can do with it…keep it there. 

     You've found me, you are my future everything hopefully one day I’ll be able to call you my husband, my “partner in crime.” I am already lucky enough to call you my best friend, my love. But did you know I believe that you are     THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Before my life was filled with darkness and I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. Instead you met me in that tunnel and guided me out.

I am like you and I am unlike you. I am broken. I have sinned. I have been wrong and I have wronged. I have will the wrong and ran away from what’s right. I have been lost. I have lose sight of the virtue of patience in m search for a place to call HOME-when I recently learned my home is a place for US. My place with you. I’ve looked for you everywhere. I’ve prayed for you to appear as more than just a mirage miracle. I’ve questioned your existence. I’ve mistaken you in the form of others. Just like I’m sure you’ve mistaken others for me. Finally, after years of searching. I let go of my search and my idea of you. Yet, I knew you existed somewhere.

    I am an anomaly. I got over and tired of me and my harried, hurried efforts. After all you cannot wish love or make just anyone love you. I am at ease with a renewed forgiven self. I love everything deeply for love’s sake.

           I want to heal YOUR pain bury all your sorrows, lift you up and away. I want to bring you joy a lot of laughter and an abundance of happiness. And I want you to take me with you. You are the one that will take me whole because I am connected to you. You’ll serve as the wind behind my back. Guiding me when needed. Beside me when needed, and always there to protect me.

     I see my truth in everything and your truth is everlasting. One day we’ll lay our backs on the beach, draw our new, long- form narrative across the star studded sky. For I am the moon to your sun, reflecting your glow and glory, the gravity of our connection pulling me close in omniscient silence.